Way back before Scott Adams went completely off the deep end I had a tin of Dilbert branded mints called Encourage Mints. This is literally a joke from the hackiest office comic ever yet some manager(s) still thought it was good idea. WTF does business school teach?
Company making millions due to its workers efforts, while rewarding them with practically nothing? Sounds like business school is teaching capitalism perfectly.
They aren’t teaching psychology in them. Stupid “gifts” like these are a net negative. You are so much better off giving nothing than a crappy gift.
I disagree. A higher turnover rate means paying the new guy less money. You’ll see this more often when they want to annoy people into quitting so they don’t need to pay unemployment.
They’re using the psychology correctly. It’s just awful for people as a whole. But it can temporarily make their books look good (high sales, low expenses) and justify bigger bonuses for the board.
Generally the people that can leave of their own will are the people you don’t want to leave though. You might save 20% or more on salary, but you also loosing far more in productivity.
High turnover only works when it doesn’t take long for employees to reach a productive level. Now that the market is tightened and there isn’t free money everywhere, companies that survived despite turnover are going to struggle as that cost becomes more obvious.
what a disappointMINT.
This is a very underrated comMINT!
They should just attach a turbine to Karl Marx’s coffin … his spinning could probably supply enough power for all of Western Europe.
As far as I can tell, business school teaches people how to enthusiastically participate in the capitalist circlejerk. That’s kinda it.
OP is a goddamn liar and is trying to spread misinformation. Notice how there are TWO staples but only ONE mint??? Nice try OP, but we all see through your poor facade and know you’re actually a two mint-having bitch elitist!
Dammit, don’t tell HR…
Sorry, you meant damMINT
Sorry, you mint “you mint damMINT”
Wait 2 mints?!?! Well goddamn if that doesn’t change everything!!!
True, one would be a half hearted thanks but two…
WTF? I never even got a single mint!
F
Totally an AI-generated mint.
Reminds me of getting a note from HR admonishing me to pick out my 20th work anniversary “gift” from “pages 12 to 16” of the supplied catalogue. I knew nothing of it. They concluded with “or we’ll choose for you, i.e. a clock”. I got luggage tags. For 20 years of my life. The best years of my life. Luggage tags. FML.
“Please note: The cost of your choice of gift will be deducted from your next paycheck,”
You actually might very well end up paying taxes on it
My last place regularly gave stuff away, but they reported the monetary value as a bonus. I got a drill I didn’t want and more taxes…
Attention all Hudsucker employees. Attention all Hudsucker employees. We regretfully announce that at thirty seconds after the hour of noon, Hudsucker time, Waring Hudsucker, Founder, President, and Chairman of the Board of Hudsucker Industries, merged with the infinite. To mark this occasion of corporate loss, we ask that all employees observe a moment of silent contemplation. [moment of silence] Thank you for your kind attention. This moment has been duly-noted on your time cards and will be deducted from your pay. That is all.
There will be a $20 gift fee and an additional service and shipping fee. How much would you like to tip? 12, 16 or 20%?
$400 for luggage tags
Do you feel motivated yet??
What was on pages 1 to 11 and who were they for?
My old boss got a TV for 20 years and that was a shit company
I got a transfer to a province with a language I didn’t speak for my 15th!
I got a digital camera that only took blurry pictures. This was Merrill Lynch in the 2000’s.
I got some drinking glasses that broke when I held them the wrong way
Should have paired them with an OptiGrab,
Is that the best idea?
They are not even ashamed of doing this!
“What? It’s cute!”
-some dipshit with an Agile certification
Gonna get an agile certification to get such a position and then coach my team into a fucking union
Can many of us also get an agile certification and coach the proletariat to seize the means of production?
It would be cute if it was how the person was getting a 10% bonus on what they helped make the company
Bonus in my experience would be the team in question get 10-30% of the total to share. If we’re talking a pure sales team it varies wildly however, I’ve seen everything from 10-50% to the team. In some industries sales people can make more than their CEO good years.
Lmao
Always the Agile circlejerk certification
Great! This helps pay the rent for my apartmint.
What are the odds they’ve evaded taxes with the governmint?
The guvmint*
And that should be good for your mintal health!
thanks for making us six million here’s a lifesaver
This is the real reason why torches and pitchforks were invented.
What double sucks about this is that every time I’ve seen something like it, it’s some middle manager who fights tooth and nail to try to get their team anything and is given a budget of $6.37 and whatever they can find in the break room for 100 people. I have unfortunately been that guy a few too many times and had to explain to absolutely clueless managers that doing nothing instead is preferable.
Around 15 years ago or so:
Everyone got a $5 Starbucks gift card for Christmas.
There had been no raises or COL adjustments for years.
And since then, inflation, at the least
Six million more than expected
Thanks for making our shareholders money! Remember not to call in sick or ask for a raise and that unions take your money with no benefit!
Got our bonusmints
DisappointMINT
DiscourageMINT
Lack of commitMINT to fairly compensating your employees
There’s no way this is real - nobody would be that stupid, even in a management role, right?
When I was at Costco, for Member Service Week they literally gave us a rock, like from the gravel outside the office, with the note: “You rock!”
Your resignation letter should have just said “Now I’m about to roll”
I would rather not get anything than get a rock for recognizing my efforts.
It’s literally just effort, gotta throw it away lol
That sucks. Costco is usually decent to their employees. Feel free to make and shame the dumbass who thought that was a good idea.
You could always light the boss’ garbage can on fire with a message saying “You’re on fire!” Or a poo on their desk with a message saying “You’re the shit!”
That may be true for warehouse employees, but the corporate offices are a toxic mess of shitty culture and dated ideas. I’ve never seen a tech department bleed so much underpaid talent to Amazon.
When I quit because they tried to force me back into the office mid-pandemic (August 2020) I had multiple offers for fully remote positions with twice the salary within a few weeks.
But yeah, if you are a cashier at a warehouse or whatever I hear it’s a solid gig.
How many of those broke a window you think?
I’ve seen this kind of cheesy thing as party favors for company Christmas parties. It’s a thing, but it’s almost never the ONLY thing. It’s more likely someone in management saw it on Pinterest and had to incorporate somehow to seem like the fun boss. The. Did some other lousy stuff to make it not seem so bad.
Yeah, notice the top. This was taped to something.
Looks like it was taped to their locker, you can make out one more in the background
Was it taped to a $6 million dollar check?
I don’t know man, my sister in law just got made redundant while she and her family were on holiday. They rang her out of the blue while she was abroad to tell her. Who the fuck thinks that’s a good idea?! “Oh hey, you have no job now and just 4 weeks severance. But lemme ruin the last holiday you be able to afford for a long while by telling you now when there absolutely nothing you can do but worry about it”. Someone made that decision instead of waiting just 48 hours. Fuckers.
Isn’t it better she know as soon as the decision is made?
You missed the opportunity to say “ManageMint”!
I assumed this was a nursing sub until I looked closer. Hospital management only does horrid shit like this for staff.
These “rewards” are awful. My condolences.
If you’re lucky though, maybe you’ll get a small rock with a “You Rock!” printout next time.
The only place that rock should go is through your boss’s windshield
A friend of mine was working in a movie theater and he got a nickel raise after three years. He said he was going to save up all the nickels and put them in a sock to hit his boss over the head with.
Or head.
I worked for a bank that did this shit. Gave us a packet of seeds and a note that said “Thanks for helping us GROW!”
You forgot “seething resentmint”
The disillusionment makes me feel like I need to abandonmint.
Where’s the CEO? I think he needs a disembowelmint.
Love that the staple pierces the mint’s wrapper, essentially contaminating it and rendering it potentially unsafe to eat. So you don’t even get that, lol.
Time to find new employMINT.
The corner is missing from the package, but slightly to the left the corner can be found underneath another staple.
I almost thought they re-used the paper for the next guy
I mean it seems outrageously greedy, but stop and think about it: if they’d paid for a pizza party, the banner would’ve had to read “Thanks for driving sales and beating plan by $5,999,727!!” And that’s just ugly.
This is like in the UK when everyone clapped for the NHS workers during the COVID pandemic, including the PM and other government ministers.
But when said workers ask for a pay rise? Fuck off
Pictured: the moment Bob decided it was time to form a fucking union.
