“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It’s interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it’s the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don’t think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don’t want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
Edit: Here is a more detailed paper on the survey for those that are interested
I’ve never approached a woman. Is terrifying and not worth the humiliation.
What’s the worst thing that can happen? That they say no? Because that’s effectively what happens if you don’t even try.
The worst thing that can reasonably happen is she actively makes fun of you to others, especially if she was already your friend or acquaintance. Saying no is usually the BEST case scenario if they’re not interested. Some people are just nasty and enjoy hurting others if it inflates their own ego.
Even in a best-case scenario, people are going to find out you were shot down, which is already pretty humiliating, especially if you share friends.
I personally would never ask someone out in person unless I was already close friends with them and trusted them with that level of power over me.
Its not humiliating to be told no.
It’s the gossip that comes after the no. Nobody cares about feelings or dignity anymore.
Maybe they just dont feel the se wa6 about rejection as you. Its far more likely you are assuming I’ll intent than your friends are actively mocking you.
If your friends are really mocking you, they aren’t your friends. At what point will you stand up for yourself and demand to be treated with a basic level of respect?
I’m fine with my friends, it’s the woman’s friends, social network that’s the problem. It’s fine, I don’t care anymore, I’m just not going to try. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze, imho.
Women share things like this with each other to keep each other safe in most cases. It can seem cruel but if a girl feels like the way you reacted to rejection was bad enough it was a red flag, then they have every right to share that with their social network.
All it takes is some self awareness and acceptance of your own mistakes and they will quickly change their tune though. Humility is very important especially from a mans perspective towards women.
I disagree, being romantically rejected is always humiliating unless you’ve somehow reached some Buddha state where the opinions and feelings of others truly don’t matter to you at all. You are directly being told, to your face, by someone you respect and admire, that they don’t like you as much as you like them. That shit hurts!
The person telling you no isnt saying you are a shit person, it means they aren’t interested in you. You’ve surely met women you aren’t interested in right? You would be right to tell them no if they asked you out, as the alternative is lieing and misleading, and will cause pain in most cases.
Its okay for someone not to be interested in you. Breath a little, step back and calm down. Its like some version of main character syndrome.
Also, I would consider it a huge red flag if someone had such a negative reaction to being told no when asking someone out. It implies there is a lack of confidence and self assuredness that is a base requirement to be in healthy relationship. We all know women are very careful of red flags and share them with each other as well so this can be self defeating.
If you want to find someone to be with, then you need to figure out how to properly treat someone like an equal, which includes respecting both yourself and them enough to prevent a negative reaction to simply being told you aren’t a persons preference.
