“Subscribe and save” is a scam.

They advertise that you will save 5% by using subscribe and save, but then the price of the item you are buying just happens to go up by 30% on the day they decide to use as the basis for your order, which is not the day you ordered it or the day they pulled it off the shelf. It will occasionally go back down to a normal-ish price, but there will also be random months where it goes up 50% or 100%. I’ve seen $15 case of paper towels go up to $45 some months.

Then they keep prodding you to add more items to get 10% off your entire subscribe and save. I added some items a few weeks ago, got the extra discount percentage, but when they priced my order a few weeks later, the cat food I’ve been getting from them at a pretty stable price suddenly went up in price by the exact amount the extra discount was saving me.

Amazon essentially took the “four square” concept that car dealers use to shift higher costs to an area of the transaction where you are less likely to notice it.

The meme leaves out the part where the progress bar starts over again, completes, starts over, completes, repeating ad nauseam, rendering the progress bar element completely devoid of meaningful information.

Some women look at a man and think:

…I can fix that…

Though they’re more likely to think:

Oh please… I’m not a miracle worker

Finally ditching Apple’s “Music” player for MOC after watching Apple dismantle/bury basic features over the last decade.

Merlin is amazing. I heard birds outside my new apartment and thought of them as nice background noise. Within days of installing Merlin, I could tell sparrows, cardinals and robins apart without seeing them. Whenever I heard a new bird, I’d grab my phone and open Merlin.

One day it sounded like a robin and a cardinal were having and argument while both simultaneously having a stroke. Merlin figured out it was a catbird, a relative of the mockingbird that learns the songs of other birds then strings pieces of them together in a disorganized song to impress the ladies. Basically, the male catbird who can sing the weirdest songs using the most species signals that he has “been around” for enough seasons to learn all those songs and therefore must have good genes the females want to pass on. It’s mind blowing to learn all this about things that are going on outside your window.

It seems to me that we need some software that intercepts the data being sent to Google, replaces all proper nouns with “Sundar Pichai,” all numbers with a 10 followed by 100 zeroes, and randomizes everything else before sending. The data they receive would look like it was smuggled out of a Being John Malkovich parallel universe.

Or we could just use Firefox. Or Lynx.

I somehow read this comment in the voice of the cleric performing the “mawwiage” ceremony in Princess Bride.

Cleric: “Sunwise…” long, uncomfortable pause. “And for the exact same weason.” Pause. “Clocks go clockwise because their pwedecessors did… and what were their pwedecessors?”

Humperdink: “Look, can we hurry this up?”

Cleric: “Sundials.”

Humperdink: “Just skip to the end!”

Cleric: “Countewclockwise… as said in another comment… would be… widdershins.”

The screaming could also mean:

“I have been up all night watching these babies and I am exhausted! Not one of them was hungry! I need some me time with my face in the catnip plant. Someone watch them while I’m passed out… and no more catnip for the babies! They all still smell like catnip from the last time you looked after them.”

I think the Turkish Van version is “when you realize you’re the only cat who likes swimming.”

I’ve been to three state fairs, a Trump speech, and a rodeo and I can’t believe that’s the first debate I’ve heard about appropriate usage of butter.

I was walking around the Iowa State Fair for an hour last summer before I realized I was whistling the theme to the Millennial Fair.

https://piped.video/watch?v=atFJWwdr6x4

They do look very similar.😀