I know she is, but its kind of creepy.

It’s no longer as humorous as she was at first withe them whole shit j. The world and the content just makes me worry it’s something else that we Rob ok can’t control.

Edit : ok that happened a second time this morning why the fuck am I dosing off suddenly and not realizing I didn’t check before I hit save?

I’ve always just been excited when other people are excited about it.

They’re so expensive. My parents change up what they display for Christmas between the LGB and a lego train. The actual lego train they put up changes too. They live nearby, so it’s a special enough treat for my boy and my nephew.

I mean… I’m cis white male, and that’s 100% why i went into computer engineering.

But the reality is so many people I work for and with aren’t weird outcasts and it’s… Not fun.

Idk. Model railroads have a particular place in my heart. Garden sized ones are new to me though.

I had a great uncle who had an enormous setup in his basement. As a kid I was always fascinated with it. He died when I was 13 and I wasn’t ready for that.

Aha ok. I was in America in the same time frame, and while it was more acceptable, and I had an openly gay professor, very few students were out.

Where did you go to school?

Or maybe a better question is when did you go to school?

I mean even right now, I know one trans woman. Possibly one crossdresser.

Plenty of LGB, I’m sure there are more trans than I’m not aware of. But we have hundreds of IT workers. Actually we may have more than a thousand.

I’m not against it, but I do worry a bit that the younger folk not in industry yet think this is more common place than it is.

It might be in silicon valley tech firms? I just know healthcare, finance, mil/aero, industrial services, and while gender identity and sexual orientation arent unknowns, any flashy display of, well, anything is generally frowned upon. Most people at work really don’t care if you dress up in drag in your off time. Nobody cares if you transitioned and have a new name, just make sure it’s updated in the HR systems and you have a new badge. And absolutely no one cares who you are sleeping with (unless it’s a coworker or supervisor, then LOTS of people care).

Yeah. Honestly, I don’t blame you. I have like 3 friends that are guys. Each in stable relationships. Each very respectful people.

Personally? Another reason I haven’t had the balls to try and meet women is because of what “masculinity” is. It’s wrong. That’s what it is.

Just like no one can choose their identity or their sex assigned at birth, I can’t choose the fact that I feel natural in my body as a male and im attracted to women. But I can’t fulfill the image that is expected of men. Not amongst men, and not amongst women. If loneliness is the curse I get, then so be it. It’s better than being someone I’m not.

Yeah, I get that. I’ve just never heard of it until now, or I was blissfully not thinking about it.

Look my marriage was awful. First, she had undiagnosed ASD. She didn’t do much in terms of the therapy she did get. I knew it, of course, looking back at it.

Problem was she was hot. Like really stupid hot. So I believed everything she told me and did everything she wanted. We barely had sex, and it turned into a drug she’d dose me with to keep me addicted. She hated it, until we were in our 20s and was able to get drunk enough overcome her anxieties (which turned out to be a combination of sensory issues and black & white thinking caused by ultra conservative religious background) but still lucid enough to be aware and communicative.

She was constantly angry and frustrated that I wasn’t doing enough. I worked full time after graduating college, she didn’t. She was incredibly jealous of my friends. Pushed a lot of them a way. Reminded me constantly that I’m not manly, not strong, not fabulously rich, not handy.

Then, after we had a kid, shit got way worse, I gained weight, she got a job, met someone - I still don’t know who - and when I took my son with me to visit family she cheated on me. She left her computer on while she went somewhere on my birthday, and I saw the messages. I moved out a month later and on Valentine’s she confessed everything and more than I wanted to know. Including the missing protection. Eventually we decide to work it out, she claims she didn’t want to. I went through therapy, we maybe slept together twice in 3 years, and after we had spent a year in couples counseling, I catch her sexting the same dude again. After she started to refuse to hand me credit card statements for me to pay.

We’re finally divorcing, we’ve been separated for over a year. But I still care about her because she’s the mother of my boy and putting this all together is just warping my mind in ways I thought I had moved beyond.

I just feel like I could have done better. I feel like there was something I could have done to make things easier, or right, or something so that none of what happened did, but then she went back to him anyway. To make it worse, I make so much more money than her, I’m the one that has to pay for everything. She has an affair, but is essentially raped, goes back to the same guy, and I have to pay the consequences. All of them. The suffering with the knowledge of what happened, the stress with work (oh God that’s another thing), the anger my boy has at me for moving out, the incredible amount I have to pay just to divorce her and afterwards.

I lost weight. Im down to 200 lbs at 6foot. I didn’t want to find out I had a huge dick compared to him but I did. I’m technically successful. Sure. But still being this hurt this long after and something this small triggering the who damn thing again. Really feels like I’m the one who got raped. I know that’s not fair. I wasn’t. But therapy clearly hasn’t done enough. I’m not ready to go out and meet people. I don’t even know if I’m a good dad she might be right about that too.

Ugh

Sorry. I don’t actually expect anyone to read this whole thing but I guess I needed to say it

That’s great, but then how do we know that the grammar matches what we want to do - with some sort of test?

The core language model isn’t a nueral network? I agree that the full application is more Markov chainy but I had no idea the LLM wasn’t.

Now I’m wondering if there are any models that are actual neutral networks

Oh, well, that’s good, because I have a ton of people who work with Angular and not React.

Ha

None of us would have jobs

Well, duh, that’s why I was surprised that there is another term for it.

It’s not consent. That means my ex was fucking raped and she was so far down the denial hole to the point of blaming me for it. I was in denial. 5 fucking years ago she told me about that. I believed her that it was an accident and it did just slip off. But now I know it’s a thing that guys actually do and Jesus

It’s really fucking me up right now. She didn’t get any diseases or get pregnant but shit, that’s not ok

Like goddamn I don’t know

Stealthing?

Is that where they don’t put it on or pretend it comes off or some stupid shit?

I’m… Yeah. Im Not ok now. My ex gave me way too many details about when she cheated on me and now I realize just how stupid I was staying with her as long as I did.

God fucking damnit. I mean I get it. Yeah, there’s a noticable difference. But Jesus fucking Christ its rape at that point. I just

Goddamnit fuck men. Fuck all’ the bastards that think they can do whatever they want with women. It’s not right, I don’t care how much hate I get for it. I might be a man, I might be straight as anyone can be. But no one deserves the shit that the patriarchy has created, and every day I seem to learn something new. It’s bad enough that I don’t conform to the “manly” image of being handy, strong, or arrogant, or sporty.

What a great time to be alive. Well except for the not having a partner. And being too timid to meet someone. And the whole rise of Nazis.

Ok so maybe not that great, but it’s a thing that’s cool.

See i didn’t have that experience. I come from a long line of electrical engineers, and went to a Catholic private university.

The EEs, save for my mother, are ultraconservative. So I knew what to expect. I went for computer engineering, so my first job out of college was in a contract design services company that was mostly old white men.

When I got into my current career, which became entirely software focused, I was surprised to see such an array of conservatives, but found many more progressives than previously.

What I have observed in my 12 years of career is that the conservative individuals are very rigid black and white thinkers. In fact, when my cousin was diagnosed with autism, my uncle remarked that it was pretty weird that every engineer he met seems to fall into that diagnosis. There was already a quiet joke in the family that what they now call Autism was what they called engineers in the 60s-80s.

That’s not to say autistic individuals are more likely to be conservative - but almost every conservative engineer I know falls right into this description. Interestingly, I know that ASD also has a large crossover with the LGBTQ+ community. It would make sense to me then, that this “programming socks” meme started.

It all seems to be based around who can accept change and who cannot. This, to me, explains why there are far more progressive programmers than conservative, and the opposite is true for other engineering fields.

Ah. Ok. To each their own.

Weird that I haven’t heard about it until now tho. It’s been my experience that an uncomfortable amount of software engineers are fairly conservative, but that’s more likely because of being in the Midwest.

Alright. I don’t get it