I’m reading this and zoning out

I aced the first 3 months at a new job, even got a raise and I was complimented that if everyone was like me the business would be on a whole another level.

…aaand at that point I had learned most of what was new and interesting and now all that’s left is routine tasks – and I’m dying. It got so boring so fast that my brain switched into serious dissociation and depression. I could just sit back and enjoy the easy job and get paid but no. Suddenly it’s a struggle to finish just a simple email. Fuck this.

What kind of vacuuming are we talking about exactly?

Looks real nice! Well done!

I tore the floor off from our hall a year ago to fix a hole under the floor material and replace the laminate. Still pending.

Two years ago I painted the toilet and the door frame is still missing the moulding.

We renovated the kitchen 4 years ago and it’s missing all the moulding as well.

Well of course! we have an emotional rollercoaster which you can’t get off, then we have a “what was I about to do and why is everyone angry at me” -memory game but we forgot the rules, also there are “social rules and regulations for people” and “small talk 101” puzzles but unfortunately some pieces were lost.

Word.

34! I was hoping one day I’d figure out what to do in life and through that knowledge everything would just click into place and things would feel good and right and worth doing. Turns out the answer to life’s great mystery is amphetamine.

Welcome to the jungle baby!

I’m sure with the amount of anxiety in today’s world we’d all get the recipe

And nobody ever told that this could be a symptom of something and not just self-centered over-thinking! I’ve just recently started to realise the same: fixating on intrusive thoughts, feelings of anxiety/anger or constant existential crisis has apprently been just ADHD all along (well, not just that of course but oh boi does it amplify them). And how can this medicine turn them off just like that?! Why didn’t I have access to this before?!

So was laudanum, why stop in alcohol when you can go all the way!

It hurts when you say these things!

When being tested for ADHD my mom refused to take part in the interviews and was really reluctant to help me figure out the symptoms I had as a child etc. Funniest thing, she works as a therapist in an asylum for prisoners, so one might think she’d understand how important it is to get help with mental health, yet she was apparently thinking I want to get diagnosed just to get drugs and my problem is that I just don’t try enough. And here I’m thinking, ma, have you realized how many different careers and educations you’ve had, how your relationships are a mess and how anxious you are all the time, not to mention the hoarding of stuff and hobbies etc. we are the same.

By enjoying you mean vibing the anxiety?

Probably went all the way in every place, house looks like a filming set for porn

I thought this was about preparing to an evaluation or similar thing you can’t really prepare to, by overthinking well in advance, and was like yeah it me.

I love that there was a bug in the code when Bitty was made and bits of brown hair from her tail and white from under the nose swapped places!

I have made real-life friends on Instagram (well, back when insta was still semi decent), it’s much easier for me to make the first move by text than try to do it face to face. Discord maybe? Activist groups in my experience are a good place to find like-minded people and they are usually welcoming to newcomers, same thing with underground-ish/alternative art/culture spaces – if you are into any of that. Usually you can contact someone beforehand to show you around. For me it’s really difficult to go to unknown social groups alone so the usual suggestion to “start a new hobby” doesn’t really work.

Kitty looks like a mouse