Excited to wake up to a new day, slightly confused, a bit of a hassle going on but there are some friendly faces around and I get to help those people fend off a dragon, everybody seems to be expecting great things of me!

…some months later I’ve lost the track of my life, no idea where I should be going, a long to-do list in the pocked I am sneak-archering through yet another draugr-filled cave, later I go pick up flowers and delivering notes instead of focusing on the big and important goals, what were they anyways? I seem to have ridden on this side path for too long and really need to find direction for my life. Everyone is waiting for me to save the day after all! I’ll just finish this one small thing and get to it –

Excited to wake up to a new day, slightly confused, a bit of a hassle going on but there are some friendly faces around and I get to help those people fend off a dragon, everybody seems to be expecting great things of me!

Be me at 15, obviously depressed, mom: “I’m worried about you hanging out with (my partner at that time), they wear black and are weird, it seems like they are bad company for you!”. Me at 35, still struggling with mental health problems and having recently got an ADHD diagnosis w/ autism traits, been to psychotherapy for 3 years because of trauma-related depression and anxiety, yet mom goes: “it must be the guy you hang around with in your teens!” (And has nothing to do with the trauma of being neglected as a child and raised by undiagnosed neurodivergent parents with their own traumas, as well as having lived with undiagnosed AuDHD and dealing with the consequences).

So damn that weird guy who wore black! I wish I had known better! Also can’t be AuDHD, probably just want to use drugs or something, everyone has those same problems anyways! And they aren’t really problems either, just similar to her “personal traits” or could be that I’m just not trying hard enough!

Big up to all my fellow unsuccesful burned out ND millenials without houses or careers! You know who you are!

Reviving old technology? Free food and/or fertilizer? Climate action? You name it!

What a cute basket you have!

I’m reading this and zoning out

I aced the first 3 months at a new job, even got a raise and I was complimented that if everyone was like me the business would be on a whole another level.

…aaand at that point I had learned most of what was new and interesting and now all that’s left is routine tasks – and I’m dying. It got so boring so fast that my brain switched into serious dissociation and depression. I could just sit back and enjoy the easy job and get paid but no. Suddenly it’s a struggle to finish just a simple email. Fuck this.

What kind of vacuuming are we talking about exactly?

Looks real nice! Well done!

I tore the floor off from our hall a year ago to fix a hole under the floor material and replace the laminate. Still pending.

Two years ago I painted the toilet and the door frame is still missing the moulding.

We renovated the kitchen 4 years ago and it’s missing all the moulding as well.

Well of course! we have an emotional rollercoaster which you can’t get off, then we have a “what was I about to do and why is everyone angry at me” -memory game but we forgot the rules, also there are “social rules and regulations for people” and “small talk 101” puzzles but unfortunately some pieces were lost.

Word.

34! I was hoping one day I’d figure out what to do in life and through that knowledge everything would just click into place and things would feel good and right and worth doing. Turns out the answer to life’s great mystery is amphetamine.

Welcome to the jungle baby!

I’m sure with the amount of anxiety in today’s world we’d all get the recipe

And nobody ever told that this could be a symptom of something and not just self-centered over-thinking! I’ve just recently started to realise the same: fixating on intrusive thoughts, feelings of anxiety/anger or constant existential crisis has apprently been just ADHD all along (well, not just that of course but oh boi does it amplify them). And how can this medicine turn them off just like that?! Why didn’t I have access to this before?!

So was laudanum, why stop in alcohol when you can go all the way!

It hurts when you say these things!

When being tested for ADHD my mom refused to take part in the interviews and was really reluctant to help me figure out the symptoms I had as a child etc. Funniest thing, she works as a therapist in an asylum for prisoners, so one might think she’d understand how important it is to get help with mental health, yet she was apparently thinking I want to get diagnosed just to get drugs and my problem is that I just don’t try enough. And here I’m thinking, ma, have you realized how many different careers and educations you’ve had, how your relationships are a mess and how anxious you are all the time, not to mention the hoarding of stuff and hobbies etc. we are the same.

By enjoying you mean vibing the anxiety?