The fiction began at line 3.

If they don’t stretch out, then why do some doctors offer complimentary tightening surgery on postpartum mothers?

These should be standard in honeymoon suites. So romantic.

Probably to drive engagement from people like you

Thank you! And I caught a 90 minute break, exhausted, I’m laying on the floor now at work 🤭

This is bad timing don’t give me any ideas. I have to clock in to work in 55 minutes.

I think he means empty in that he’ll never be able to afford any furniture.

Our jobs might as well provide us housing & food since we’re basically prisoners there and can’t afford anything else anyway.

Then you file for SSDI

Weed —> iambic pentameter

So, over the course of a year I get 30 minutes that aren’t ads?

And picture this: she had a whole camera/lighting/set/production crew to capture this moment to broadcast absolute gibberish to the world. WTF is even happening?

Don’t worry, shrinkflation can somewhat absolve your gluttony because today’s “family size” oreos are the same size as normal packages used to be.

So basically she was speaking gibberish that is best ignored, just like we can ignore everything her husband says.

But I don’t want to be a dragon. I want to be a kitty cat whose most urgent task is seeking out all the warm spots to sleep in all day.

That guy’s mom must be so proud he made it on Broadway.

Is this implying that everyone on those stranded-on-a-desert-island shows are just actors and they stay in hotels and live comfortably when the camera isn’t on them?