Her Majesty Kentucky, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, Defender of the Faith, Empress of India?

That’s the first hour. Yes.

Certainly a special entry in the yearbook!

Pizza from a specific pizza place near me. I get the free choice pizza (5 toppings of your choice) but load it with extras. My usual is:

• 15" Deep pan
• Spicy Pork
• Spicy Pork
• Spicy Beef
• Spicy Beef
• Jalapenos

plus.

• Pepperoni
• Ham
• Bacon
• Meatballs
• 2 x doner kebab meat
• Fresh green chillies

I’m hoping one day they’ll name it after me and offer it on the menu.

Rain! Mad for it, I am, our kid. Sorted, safe, I swear down.

If you want to learn how to use chopsticks, get a couple of friends together and order some really nice Chinese food. Serve it in bowls or on plates on a small table with you and your friends gathered around with a pair of chopsticks each.

The rules of the game are simple:

1. you can only eat what you can get to your mouth using chopsticks.
2. you can steal food off someone else’s chopsticks with your own.

You will quickly learn how to use the chopsticks!

I always keep my onions in the refrigerator and never have issues cutting them.

Tory councillors are revolting?

Got it!

Taking my son and his best friend to Legoland for his birthday. It’ll be a day of queuing, but I know they’ll have a great time.

Nah, they go in any order and then you just kind of… rootle around in there.

Strike hard, strike first, show no mercy!

I keep my keys in my prison pocket. Along with my phone. And my wallet. And my EDC pocket knife. And a Leatherman. And a Moleskin and a couple of pens. And a tactical flashlight. And a small first aid kit.

I do walk a bit funny though.

“Prawn toast, chicken fried rice, and some edible panties please!”

Lest we forget.

Comin’ over ‘ere, takin’ our sausages! Give 'em back! Return our sausages!

I got a fish supper from the chippy - and punched it repeatedly - it has not yet gone hunting for me. My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. As is my fish supper.

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

Some of the blocks are made with ultraviolet material, which allow inspectors armed with black lights to search for glowing droppings.

We’ve all been there.

Actually, this has just reminded me of the white poos dogs used to do in the '70s. Which were 30 years ago in case you’re wondering. Get off my lawn, etc., etc.!

Superb!

If Angelina Jolie started messaging me, told me we could get together and then started asking for cash

Pfffft, fat chance of that happening. Angie and I have been messaging each other on MySpace since 2003 and she’s devoted to me. I love her quirky use of grammar and occasional hilarious spelling mistakes. One day we’ll meet when I’ve saved up enough to pay for her airfare over here (she can’t book tickets herself because fans would mob her), and then we can begin our life together properly.