So I’m a shut-in with a ton of problems and no money. My life revolves around World of Warcraft and Destiny 2 which is sad in its own right I’m sure. Anyway every single time I try to find a community (guild or clan) it goes to hell within a month or so. They always say I’m too negative about the game or my performance. No matter what I do/say it apparently always comes across as ‘negative’ and they see it as hurting their community. Funny enough these communities are always dead and I’m talking into a void trying to engage people.
Sorry I’m not sure why I’m posting this. Just had another group tell me I was getting kicked due to negativity and I’m so tired of it. I don’t have any friends, I’m always starting over from scratch and even if I try my hardest it still ends the same way. Don’t even feel that I’m being negative since I just say bugs me. Sorry. Feel like I could cry, because of everything, and I can’t even do that.
When I was younger I also was told that I had a bit of a “debbie downer” presence.
Something that helped me was the concept of “yes and”, when someone says something, find anything in, or tangential to, their statement that you can either :
- Agree with
- Comment on
- Tangent from
Then the “and” part, add something of your own to the conversation.
Force yourself to balance your natural negativity with forced positivity and over time you may find that you no longer have to force it, and that you enjoy finding hidden positives in things, like a game, it turns conversation into a puzzle.
In general, people like being agreed with. So sometimes before disagreeing you can even say, “I agree with X part” and then instead of saying you blatantly disagree, change your tone to something like, “I would probably modify Y and see if I like it.” It’s all about controlling your tone and playing to human tendencies.
Once you get to know someone better, you can be a bit looser, some people like autistic truths. Know your audience, sometimes it’s as easy as asking, “Oh, am I being too negative, I try not to do that.”
Good luck!
Hey man if all you like is destiny amd WoW you rock that shit and fuck anyone who would put you down for doing what you love. I played hundreds of hours of dwarf fortress and I ain’t stopping.
I work on my single player backlog now and then, but otherwise I usually rock the same old games. DF, Deep Rock Galactic, warhammer total war. Just thousands of hours. Sall good. It’s my life, and when the time comes it will be me dieing not all these haters telling us what to do.
Find what peace you can dude, don’t let the haters take that away from ya.
As for the socializing thing, it’s hard to say what it is from what we know about the situations. If I had to guess, it sounds like you over share. Everybody thinks “shit fuck God damned it” or whatever when shit goes sideways in game. However not everyone yells it into the microphone. Consider using push to talk and vent your frustration off air if you must.
Keep trying, eventually you will either get better at effective communication or you’ll fall in with a like minded crowd.
