Find the pessimists in your organization, and disappoint them.
Make mean cynicism a part of your workplace culture. Do this by example: Promote mean cynics and put them in charge of things. But do it also by conversion: Behave in a way that makes mean cynics’ view of the world correct.
Reward bad personal habits to create internal conflicts between work and health.
If someone skips sleep to finish a project, give them a bonus. This gives them an internal conflict between approval and health, and teaches them that they can sacrifice their health to receive a reward.
Encourage a hard-drinking culture in teams that have stressful roles that demand team cohesion, like SRE or Ops teams with on-call requirements. This gives them an internal conflict between their support network and health.
If someone is sick, injured, bereaved, or otherwise suffering: Make it clear how much their condition is inconvenient to their coworkers, and how much their projects are impacted by their absence. Assure them that all will be well once they can conclude their personal problems and commit to the team. Do not, however, offer them any specific help; if they express specific needs for accommodation, disregard them as idle and unrealistic wishes.
Stress that everyone needs to pitch in and make themselves useful at all times, but do not share any information at all
Make sure the work is not broken down into clear tasks. Make sure nobody else has access to the stakeholders. Make people ask separately for every single account or access credential they need, and respond with incredulity that they don’t already have it.
Give the impression that there are no processes. When someone submits work, criticise them for not following the process.
Each day, schedule meetings so you are impossible to contact until the early afternoon. That way you can interrupt any request for information by asking the person what work they did in the morning. The goal is to close the loop by making people scared to talk to you, so they blame themselves for not knowing anything.
Mushroom management is an amazing way to break an org. Keepem in the dark and give them shit, and no one will feel comfortable accomplishing anything.
Even better stress that things really need to get done, and why it’s critical that it happens, but constantly question whether that is something THEY should be doing.
Some other ways:
Cultivate bitterness.
Find the pessimists in your organization, and disappoint them.
Make mean cynicism a part of your workplace culture. Do this by example: Promote mean cynics and put them in charge of things. But do it also by conversion: Behave in a way that makes mean cynics’ view of the world correct.
Reward bad personal habits to create internal conflicts between work and health.
If someone skips sleep to finish a project, give them a bonus. This gives them an internal conflict between approval and health, and teaches them that they can sacrifice their health to receive a reward.
Encourage a hard-drinking culture in teams that have stressful roles that demand team cohesion, like SRE or Ops teams with on-call requirements. This gives them an internal conflict between their support network and health.
If someone is sick, injured, bereaved, or otherwise suffering: Make it clear how much their condition is inconvenient to their coworkers, and how much their projects are impacted by their absence. Assure them that all will be well once they can conclude their personal problems and commit to the team. Do not, however, offer them any specific help; if they express specific needs for accommodation, disregard them as idle and unrealistic wishes.
Are you okay?
No this shit is fucked
Polishing up your resume and LinkedIn?
✅ dunzo
Here’s one I learned from a past manager:
Stress that everyone needs to pitch in and make themselves useful at all times, but do not share any information at all
Make sure the work is not broken down into clear tasks. Make sure nobody else has access to the stakeholders. Make people ask separately for every single account or access credential they need, and respond with incredulity that they don’t already have it.
Give the impression that there are no processes. When someone submits work, criticise them for not following the process.
Each day, schedule meetings so you are impossible to contact until the early afternoon. That way you can interrupt any request for information by asking the person what work they did in the morning. The goal is to close the loop by making people scared to talk to you, so they blame themselves for not knowing anything.
Mushroom management is an amazing way to break an org. Keepem in the dark and give them shit, and no one will feel comfortable accomplishing anything.
Even better stress that things really need to get done, and why it’s critical that it happens, but constantly question whether that is something THEY should be doing.
Holy shit. All of this reflects my current job… Maybe this is a sign for me to leave…