Originally found here on Facebook

Transcription:

There’s a feeling I remember,
It comes on late December,
Though in January it really hits its stride.

When the weather’s getting sunny
Comes this tingle in me tummy,
It’s a patriotic mix of shame and pride.

So we say happy New Year
And we scull another beer
And we hit the beach and party until too late,

Before taking up position
For that ancient old tradition,
Arguing if we should change the date.

Now before I start to ramble
I might take a little gamble
And invite you all to simply raise your hand,

If you think the date should change,
If you agree that it’s quite strange,
To celebrate when Cook set foot upon this land.

[Pause as he waits for off-screen members of the audience to raise their hands.]

Now that’s all well and fine,
But it was April 29
When Captain Cook said hey boys land ahead.

No, the date you’re looking for
Is when Arthur Phillip hit the shore,
So who reckons we should change that date instead?

Now, just to reconvene
That was January 18.
Is that the date we’re trying to abandon?

'Cos I’m a bit like some of you,
Like I’d prefer to change it too,
But first I’d like to bloody know what happened.

And it turns out as it was,
The date was picked because it was
The date when they formally established New South Wales.

So should we change to that date instead?
[Gestures to audience and hears their “yeahs”]
Nah that was the 7th of Feb.
But let’s not get distracted by details.

'Cos there’s nothing quite as Aussie
As a barbie with a saussie
And a cricket bat and sunnies and a ball.

Still we must be the only nation
With no real appreciation
Of why we’re even gathering at all.

Something must have taken place.
Was it Phar Lap’s final race?
Or Donald Bradman’s best day at the crease?

Ned Kelly getting shot?
When Scott and Charlene tied the knot?
Or when Crocodile Dundee got released?

So I did a little reading,
'Cos I felt that we were needing
Further clarity on why we chose this date.

And what happened it turns out,
Those who know it please don’t shout,
26th of Jan, 1788.

Well Phillip had already landed,
But now he returned red-handed,
And this time raised a flag and there’s the twist.

Nothing legal to be sure,
Just a flag and nothing more.
Then they sat around that flag and all got pissed.

So that’s the moment that we mark.
Drunken sailors in the dark.
That’s Australia Day, and now you know the score.

And we’ve marked it ever since,
You don’t seem convinced.
You’re right, they only picked that date in 1994.

So it’s less than 30 years
That we’ve been getting on the beers
To commemorate a moment we forgot.

And in its very brief existence
It’s been met with such resistance
That it’s spent more time dividing us than not.

And it strikes me as quite strange
But some people don’t like change.
They say you can’t take something from me that is mine.

Well I know some people who
Prob’ly know that feeling too.
But it’s 60,000 years not twenty nine.

And I’m not totally naive,
I don’t actually believe
That a change would fix the issues that we face.

I just don’t like people thinking
That their sacred day of drinking
Is so special it could never be replaced.

And there might come a time,
Probably decades down the line,
When we settle on a more befitting day.

An honest celebration
Better suited to this nation.
Where we can listen once again to Triple J.

Still there’s nothing quite as Aussie
As some Mortein on a mozzie,
Or ignoring problems at our nation’s heart.

So we’ll mark the day for now
The only way that we know how,
And every January we’ll tear ourselves apart.