Annoyed_🦀

No, gut bacteria, i’m not eating fries, this is the third times of the day you want fries!

What doesn’t taste good with butter?

Well some ant spew acid, some millipede puke cyanide, and some will smack you with a nail. Don’t go near that one.

Hmm yes, we are all pondering this spherical orb right now.

Yeah, same. To that end, i feel extremely lonely because i can’t express like i supposed to be and have to suppress the feeling. Growing up i was taught not to cry, because men don’t cry, so i basically have two expression, smile and resting bitch face. Even when the time i have severe depression and had suicide thought, i still smile while talking with friends back then, which kinda makes me think i’m fine.

While my current friend group is much more open to the concept and woman friend is much easier to talk with, i still find it hard to talk to them because it’s just so hard to tell them what is actually wrong, because shit isn’t stem from a single issue, it’s a long running build up of the size of the mountain, and they seems to can’t get that, which then got offered an unsolicited advice that is way off from what i feel. I tried it a few times, i pretty much gave up now.

I also find it hard to try looking for a partner in my current state. The last one, while it isn’t toxic, still treat marriage as something the man must uphold, man must do this and have that and have certain income, instead of an equal partner i’m looking for. Looking around and seeing how the world operate around me and what’s the average woman looking for, equal partner is just a distance dream. I’m chinese and this is in asia btw.

As for how i cope, my cats is basically my closest best friends, i can do silly face with them, laugh freely, and don’t have to hold up my tear in front of them. I also went casual cycling frequently, i find myself much more expressive while on bike and happier, hiking does help too, i feel human when people just randomly greet me and i greet back. I also ignore people with toxic masculinity, a way to tell them their opinions doesn’t matter, basically shrugging their words away without causing conflict.

It’s a good thing i have a weak memory ehh 🤣

I think i’ve played most arkane game up till prey, i heard deathloop is their last good game but it’s also a hit and miss. Prey is super good as well, i think i did like 3 or 4 playthrough, still haven’t play mooncrash though but it’s definitely on my list.

Started to replay Dishonored again to catch up with the story before playing death of outsider. Such a great series. .

On the couch by the tv linked to my pc

I mean, “Shine bright like a 120w LED light bulb” doesn’t sounds good.

Well we can have both as well.

Dialect is their own language. Don’t sell yourself short, because i can’t understand a word of hakka despite knowing mandarin and a little bit of cantonese and hokkien.

The best one, Zelda 2.

I think you mean push past nihilism to get to absurdism or existentialism? Because it seems like OP feels like nothing matter in a negative way, the intense pessimism caused from the chronic illness is holding OP back from experience anything.

Divide and conquer, the technique that works so well that British create their empire with it. Single issue voter is so susceptible to it they might as well be the pawn of the powerful.

Dang, sounds like i might actually have issue with it since i lie down and game, if it’s too bulky then it might be painful after an hour.

Don’t worry, my time and mental load is too limited for me to game everywhere lol. I just wanna lie down and game maybe for an hour or so.

I have ps1 emulator in my phone and been playing it the past week or so, did not realise that’s the thing i need in my life. I love my N3ds but it’s so bulky and the button placement is so weird it hurt even my small hand. Might get a steam deck as a gaming device next instead of a new pc.